Home Alone, or the Return of Miss Maybelline

May 28, 2008 · Print This Article · Email This Post

The Return of Miss MaybellineI bring you glad tidings: My famous garden tours have resumed. When Robert Frost said: “Good fences make good neighbors,” he wasn’t kidding. Here, I peer with some dismay from my custom-made picture window at the world of human beans over Memorial Day weekend. It’s never a good idea to leave teenaged boys home alone for the weekend. Instantly, the streets resonated with the vroom! vroom! of ATVs. Up and down, up and down at an estimated 50 mph, the teenaged beans hit the highway (two short blocks in a subdivision), sans drivers’ licenses or helmets. Soon, an enraged Tractor Boy emerged from his home, making a show of calling the police on his cell phone. Being ever so clever, the boy beans disappeared after the phone calls, so that they couldn’t be found when police showed up. Eventually, police tired of playing cat-and-mouse and left for good. The last I could see of the boy beans, girl beans had arrived and one of them had fallen out of the bed of a truck parked in a driveway, landing on her head. Just what human beans need — more brain damage.

Read more about my canine adventures.

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