The Further Adventures of Miss Maybelline

September 17, 2007 · Print This Article · Email This Post

Miss Maybelline in a Regal MomentGreetings again! This is your gardening hostess, Miss Maybelline. I was unavoidably delayed in my return due to my human’s obsession with both her computer and her WordPress blog; she expects both to run like a finely tuned Swiss watch, no matter what “experiments” she undertakes. I’m really glad that she’s paying another human bean to fix the 12 xhtml errors my bean created with her experiments. She hasn’t been able to fix them, despite much impressive swearing.

 

Sally Fields, The Flying NunNow she’s muttering about the Faux News channel, and how the “lily-livered pantywaists” censored The Flying Nun last night. The Flying Nun, aka Sally Fields, was accepting an Emmy for Best Dramatic Actress for her role in “Brothers and Sisters,” when she suddenly blurted out: “If mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamn war in the first place.” But, thanks to the five-second delay at Faux News, no one was permanently harmed by this peacenik statement, as the camera instantly cut away to a generic, high-angle view of the auditorium and audience, cutting Fields out of the picture so no one could do any verboten lip reading. My bean thinks that was a newsworthy statement which should have been covered by Faux News, which claims to be a news channel and not an arbiter of personal taste or the Sanitation Department. Obviously, we are incorrect and Faux News is not a news channel.

Enormous SunflowersNow, here’s something I find as equally improbable as a flying nun or faux news: my human bean’s sunflowers. These were planted on the south side of the potting shed. They responded energetically. Hummingbirds use the leaves as cover, and hide in there all day when they’re not using the hummingbird feeders or probing the many perennial flowers. My bean doesn’t use any pesticides or herbicides, so I love to roll around in the grass and watch the hummingbirds and butterflies. Did you know that hummingbirds are ferociously territorial? They will run off other hummingbirds from “their” flower patch or “their” hummingbird feeder.

 

Biggest Sunflower EverHere’s the granddaddy of all sunflowers: This one topped out at a little over 18 feet in height! After awhile, the sunflowers needed extensive propping up. My bean saved the seeds from the tallest sunflower for next spring, as she wants to plant these giants all along the back fence. Many people stopped and commented on the size of these. Here you can also see evidence of an annoying genetic trait of Southerners: the complete inability to finish anything they start. The potting shed has been lacking two boards for a year! The man who hauled the potting shed here said he would definitely be “right back.” Uh-huh. Pajamadeen is quite peeved about the two missing boards. She’s received a variety of imaginative excuses from the carpenter. The most melodramatic one was the news that the carpenter’s wife (who has no teeth and a nose piercing) had left him and he was too distraught to work. Pajamadeen’s not buying.

Lazy Day DogsIt’s quite tiring to type when one has hair on their fingers, so I’m going to take a break and bring you more gardening pictures and adventures later. Here’s a picture of me indulging in my favorite activity, along with a glimpse of wretched Penelope Puppy, whom I was more or less forced to adopt. More about her soon. We like to lay in strategically important positions, forcing the bean to step over us. In the meantime, you can see more of our gardening pictures here. And always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

 

Read another post about life in Tiny Town.

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