Firefighter Rescued in Tiny Town! Chapter 1

August 1, 2006 · Print This Article · Email This Post

Firefighter Tony RescuedWe’ve been seized with ennui since there’s been no news, apparently, to report either nationally or internationally other than the Israeli-Lebanon war (or at least that’s how it looks if you’re depending on television coverage), and we had no comment other than an “I told you so” for U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice. In response, we have created our own news and (drum roll, please), we offer breaking coverage of the rescue of firefighter Tony in Tiny Town! Like Lazarus, he has risen from the dead after at least a decade, in near-perfect condition!


Alleged Future PatioRather than undertake home improvements during the milder weather of the spring or fall, we’ve wisely chosen to undertake these projects in the heat of summer. It was a balmy 104 or so degrees today, when, four days late (hey! what do you expect from contractors? at least they showed up!), they arrived today to (temporarily) remove our back steps and then cut and scrape off the sea of blacktop which greeted us every morning in the backyard of our rural paradise, the envisioned goal being a brick patio with a privacy fence judiciously placed at streetside.

Thank God

A second and eagerly anticipated privacy fence will preclude a view of my dear neighbor. “Good fences make good neighbors,” as Robert Frost so succinctly put it.

No One Left Behind

During preliminary excavation, Firefighter Tony, separated from his fellow firemen for who knows how long, was unearthed. It’s true, you know. No man left behind.

Household Tweezers Come in Handy

Rescue was delicately effectuated with the “jaws of life” which, in less extraordinary circumstances, double as a pair of tweezers. Are you getting the impression that we’re hard pressed for entertainment in Tiny Town?

Freshening UpWhen examined by an EMT, Tony seemed none the worse for wear, although a little unkempt. Firemen are meticulous in clean up efforts, and take great pride in a professional appearance, both for themselves and their equipment. Have you ever seen a dirty fire truck parked at a fire station? Not likely. After a quick bath, bravely taken within site of a slumbering predator known as “Daisy Duke,” No. 3 was all jazzed up and ready to go!


En Garde!Our brave public servant headed off to meet up with his team, traveling the length of a long and mysterious tunnel through the middle of a roll of paper towels, gingerly picked his way across a landmine as potato chips crackled all about him in the Ruffles potato chips bag that was underfoot, took a quick and unexpected spin on a Rolodex and, at last! had traversed the length of the wasteland formerly known as the desk.


CluelessNow came the moment of truth. Tony must negotiate his way past the clueless feline, Daisy Duke. This was a breeze, considering that the cunning Tony was dealing with a cat so klutzy that it falls off the desk when napping. Hurry, Tony! There are citizens in need of help! We’ll be back tomorrow to share some of his new adventures. Stay tuned! (You might as well; there isn’t anything on the “news” anyway. Well, we take that back. Fidel Castro had minor surgery, and Mel Gibson got drunk. Now you’re caught up on the news and we’ve saved you hours and hours of your television viewing life, so the least you can do is come back and read this blog.)

Read more about an equally strange person, Condoleezza Rice.

Copyright © 2006


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