Might as Well Poke Your Eye Out With a Stick

October 5, 2008 · Print This Article · Email This Post

The Latest Fashion Craze - Eye Jewelry Which Dangles From a Contact LensHere’s some new eyewear which should delight ophthalmologists everywhere — “eye jewelry” which dangles from a prescription or dummy contact lens mounted in the wearer’s eye. But why? Who knows? It’s the latest fashion craze in Europe. that’s why. Tattoos and piercings are so…passé.

Dutch designer Eric Klarenbeek, 29, plans to sell the eye jewelry on his website, at around $350 for the lens and accompanying gewgaw. Copper medical wire sprouts from the contact lens, on which accessories such as flowers and crystals dangle below the eye. (Copper allergy, anyone?) The jewelry measures up to 14 mm x 33 mm (0.5 inches to 1.25 inches).

More Eye Jewelry Dangling from a Contact LensKlarenbeek told the Daily Mail: “People who have worn my eye jewelry are amazed at its comfort. You can’t feel the wire dangling, it doesn’t affect your sight and the lens moves along gently with your eyeball, even while blinking. It started out as an experiment but I decided to put it into production when I got positive feedback from wearers. I have made small changes to the components and balance of the jewelry as I strive for perfection. . .We are working on the certificates which you need to sell it as a product and expect that to be finished in a few months.” We can hardly wait. This is yet another occasion in which Pajamadeen is pleased that she forgot to have children.

It’s said that the crystals “glimmer in sunlight and look as if the wearer is crying.” How attractive! Now seriously, folks, don’t you just want to yank on that blue string? Give it a good, hard tug? It’s like watching a person with a pierced tongue attempt to enunciate, and wanting to scream: “Get that blasted marble out of your mouth, you fool!” It’s the same reaction Pajamadeen has to nose rings and eyebrow piercings — they look painful and make Pajamadeen cringe inwardly. And why would anyone want a blue string dangling down their cheek? Isn’t that the function of oh, annoying bugs like mosquitoes and flies?

Klarenbeek claims that the eye jewelry is “perfectly safe,” because ““If someone tugs on the wire while you are wearing it, the lens will just fall out — or, at the very worst, the wire might break.” No, Eric, at the very worst, your cornea gets ripped.

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Photo credit: Solent News and Photo Agency

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