False Economy, or How to Fall Out of a Chair

March 31, 2011

Falling Out of Office ChairAnyone who knows me well knows I’m a night owl. Imagine my surprise when, after finally gathering all of my tax return information for an accountant, I felt suddenly sleepy at 10 pm. Yes, I felt relaxed. But I was tired, really tired. Off to sleep I went. Awakening at 3 am, further sleep eluded me. I decided that I might as well get up. Then, I got ambitious. “I can put in a full day’s work by noon!” I thought. I felt so. . .efficient.


Two hours later, I found myself on the floor. This was a first for me. I’d leaned ever so slightly to the left and boom!, was unceremoniously ejected from the office chair, which now lay on top of me, my legs entwined within it. My left elbow was slightly scratched. The left side of my neck ached. Only my pride was wounded. Realizing that I wasn’t seriously injured, I laid there for another minute or so, thinking that the loud “thud” (let’s face it, I’m not getting any younger or probably any thinner) would have awakened Wrinkled Randy, who would come to my rescue and gallantly pull the chair off of me. But the usually light sleeper never heard a thing. Have you ever tried to lift a swivel chair with wheels off of yourself? It’s cumbersome and unwieldy, to say the least. I felt so. . .undignified.

The chair collapse was entirely my own fault. You see, since at least the Fall of 2009, I’ve known that my office chair needed replaced. But I was “thrifty,” and repaired the left-sided wheel. I wandered down the hall to tell Randy the news, waking him up, of course. He basically asked what I expected him to do about it. I said: “Well, nothing. I just thought you might want to know.” I took two aspirin and a leftover muscle relaxer and a pain pill. “Efficiency” went out the window; I slept until at least noon. I was so glad that none of my clients could see me. So much for getting an early start. It’s safer to sleep in.

Curious, I Googled the term “falling out of chair.” There were almost 2.6 million hits! Maybe I wasn’t alone after all. Unfortunately, many of the incidents were pictures of college kids who had partied too heartily. However, it does appear that I’m not alone.

Tank ChairAt AMS Vans, I found this durable tank chair. (Looks like it would make any boss think twice about firing a person.) AMS wrote: “The tank chair allows people with disabilities the opportunity to go anywhere desired in the outdoors conquering mud, streams, snow, sand, gravel, and even climbing up and down stairs. People who are paralyzed chest down are perfect candidates because they are able to go up and down steep slopes without fear of falling out.” Unfortunately, other than gardening, I’m not really all that fond of the great outdoors. Looks like it’s time to go to Office Depot.


Read about people at CNN who have a different cross to bear: They can’t spell.

Photo credit: AMS Vans

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